I'm Not Just...

I am more than I've ever been, and less than I will be. Ask me anything, and read with an open mind.

Attack on Titan Theme (Guren no Yumiya) - Violin - Taylor Davis

(I fucking love watching her play the fucking violin. Shit.)

(Source: youtube.com)

amandapalmer:

you don’t see things 
as they are

you see things 
as you are

amandapalmer:

you don’t see things
as they are

you see things
as you are

Life as we know it

War is a terrible thing.

Those words do nothing to sum up the terror actually involved in war. Nothing can describe what it’s like to navigate trenches, dodge bullets, watch bombs drop on your home, or risk your life for a ideal. All we have is: war is a terrible thing.

I don’t know how one makes sense of the current state of the world. Planes disappearing and being shot down, civil wars, refugees, political schemes, and the impending threat of another world war. News headlines feel like titles from a science fiction novel, surreal moments before the existence of aliens are revealed. 

I said in a conversation the other day that the best we can hope for is just to survive all of this. If a war does break out a golden age will follow, we just have to make it there.

I don’t want a war to happen, but the truth is one is already raging. People all over the world are losing and giving their lives, are running from their homes that are now scenes of battle, and are mourning the loss of family and friends who have died for someone else’s cause. There aren’t words one can give to these people that would ever make up for the things they have witnessed and suffered. There’s nothing anyone can do.

Except to make it better. And I don’t mean that in some grand way. We will not stop a war if those in power want one. I simply mean we should make our small marks on the world around us.

Enter the world with humility, understanding, and care. You may not be the one who starts a great movement, and, again, there is no stopping a war someone else wants. But if we all introduce more kindness into our everyday lives, perhaps the future of the world won’t be left in bad hands.

Because while we can’t determine the fate of a war, we can determine the fare of ourselves.

raginggenderriver:

willouj:

How do you tell your parents (who just retired, can barely afford what they’ve got, whose insurance doesn’t cover trans surgeries, and who are renovating a house to start a business) that you think your binder might be causing you to almost pass out when you get too hot? Especially when you can’t seem to find a job yourself. And surgery is basically out of the question, but that’s the only fix there is. How do you do that?

If you’re out to them, and they’re supportive, they’d prefer to know what you’re going through even if they can’t get you surgery.

If you’re not looking for a solution from them, but just want to be able to talk, it’s OK to let them know that. Sometimes, I have to tell my mom, “I don’t need you to fix this, but I need to vent.”

If you are hoping they’ll fix it… I guess you can’t know what options they have until you talk about it. Unfortunately, they might not be able to help beyond listening.

Can you carry ice packs around with you on hot days? My cisgender brother-in-law just gets too hot because of an issue with his metabolism, so he carries around a bag full of ice packs and sometimes just has to sit somewhere and hold them to his chest. And drink lots of water. Even if it’s not cold water, that can help.

I do drink lots of water, actually, and it sort of surprises me that it doesn’t help. And since I mostly only overheat if I’m working really hard, especially outside, ice packs aren’t a necessity. Once I take a minute to sit down in a cool place I’m fine. It’s strange to me and a new thing. I’ve been on T for a year and a half and I know that’s why this is happening, but it still seems odd.

Aside from that, my parents know about me but are on this line between accepting me and treating me like I’m still (and always will be) their “daughter”. I know they can’t do anything, financially, to help me. If they could, they don’t want to. I can’t even get them to remember I have other medical issues that need looking after. Venting to them is not an option either, because it won’t change anything and I don’t feel comfortable telling them.

I guess, really, this is my way of venting. I just have to wait. Find a job, save money, get my own insurance, and make my own way.

Thank you for the help. I might think about the ice pack idea, and keep one in the freezer when we’re doing a really intense job.

How do you tell your parents (who just retired, can barely afford what they’ve got, whose insurance doesn’t cover trans surgeries, and who are renovating a house to start a business) that you think your binder might be causing you to almost pass out when you get too hot? Especially when you can’t seem to find a job yourself. And surgery is basically out of the question, but that’s the only fix there is. How do you do that?

zoeyp:

Hey guys,

Firstly thank you so much for all of your kind words during the difficult time that you may be aware of through Twitter and such. It’s amazing to know that little ol’ me can affect so many people’s lives in such a positive way. After all, the only goal I had when I started the channel was just wanting to mess about and make people laugh!

I’m not looking for any pity or sympathy or attention seeking with what I’m about to say, I just feel it will help put things clearly as to what exactly goes on in my brain.

This week, every year, is always the worst week of the year. It’s always when I’m at my most depressed, scared, lonely. This week always starts with the anniversary of a family member’s death, the memories of seeing him helpless in a hospital bed as cancer took him away. The week then ends with my birthday. The day that is supposed to be a happy day is always overshadowed by the memories of funeral proceedings, the wake, family in black clothes, sadness, grief. I remember getting a birthday present that year from him, days after he had passed away, which as you may be able to understand was not a very nice experience. The message on the card, everything, it just made the day very sad. Obviously as people tend to celebrate birthdays every year, these feelings and memories resurface every year, I get sad. I can’t stop it. Birthdays for me now typically consist of a few cards from close family, but I don’t ask for presents and no celebrations. I’ll probably lock myself in my room and just distract myself by recording a video instead.

Last year was the same, if you were watching me back then you’ll know the gap I took from July to August. Admittedly the tail end of that was simply because I didn’t have a working computer, but the beginning was definitely triggered by this.

There’s nothing you guys need to say in response to this, I don’t want pity and I don’t particularly want to be overly congratulated on my birthday. It just is what it is. I’ll snap out of it in a week or two, Fiona will come back from her summer job and I won’t be alone, Beyond Mushbury will start, and we’ll forget all about this until next July. :)

Thanks for supporting me throughout everything I do, I hope I somehow support you through things you do too. You are all amazing people, and none of you are alone.

Keep on keepin’ on…

January 30, 2010 my grandma died. January 25, 2011 my grandfather died. My birthday is February 23 and, while the gap is greater in my case, every year is a reminder of what I lost.

My parents worked for the Department of Defense as teachers. They lived and worked outside of the United States, and so did I. Almost 20 years of my life I only saw my grandparents for two months over summer vacation. My parents could only keep in touch over the phone, taking into account time differences and bills. I spent more time with family my first two years of college than I had my entire life previously. I loved my grandparents more than anyone else, because each year they were the only ones who welcomed my family back with real joy.

Losing someone you love is hard enough, but to spend what should be a happy day feeling lost, hurt, sad, and alone…there’s nothing quite like it.

I’m sorry, Zoey, that you have to deal with this. I’m sorry for anyone who has to deal with this. Loving someone, losing someone, these are the hardest things life requires of us. But loving someone, loving them so much that no matter what they are never really gone, that is the most rewarding thing life offers.

So, with love, I hope peace finds you in such a time as this.

nikaharper:

If you love Wordplay, please share it around or support on Patreon!

It’s my passion project, but I want it to be my job. I love inspiring others (and myself!) to be adventurous and learn, to be curious about the infinite world of writing.

No help is too small. It all means the world to me.

http://www.patreon.com/wordplay

rocksnob:

rocksnob:

rocksnob:

On the left is Richie, my fiancé, about a year and a half into our relationship and pre-t. He had come out as trans to me about a few months prior to that. On the right is Richie 4 years later and almost 3 years on testosterone. We’ve been together almost 5 years now and his birthday is coming up.

I created a secret top surgery fund for him in hopes to surprise him for his birthday on August 30th. I’m not at all expecting $5000 to be raised by then, in fact, I don’t have any kind of expectation towards the amount raised before his birthday. I just wanted to get this started for him as a surprise to remind him that there are so many people that love him and support him and are wishing him a happy birthday and I know any amount donated would be the best birthday surprise he could ever receive.

Right now, Richie doesn’t believe that top surgery will ever be a reality for him and I want to change that incredibly dangerous mind set. A whopping 41% of trans* people attempt suicide. Richie’s dysphoria, negativity and hopelessness has been growing at an alarming rate. I want to do everything I can to prevent and/or limit the amount of pain he has to deal with on a daily basis. Top surgery would undoubtably eliminate a big chunk of it. 

Richie has been medically transitioning for almost 3 years. He has identified as trans for about 4 years. In that time, he has seen so many of his friends within the community get top surgery and it has been a silent struggle for him. He has become more reclusive, isolated and depressed. I don’t want Richie to ever feel inhibited by his body and/or isolated because of it. This year for his birthday, I want him to truly believe that top surgery is entirely possible for him and unquestionably going to happen in the near future. I can’t do that alone, so I’m reaching out to his family, friends, my followers on tumblr, as well as any kind strangers who may know what it feels like to deal with dysphoria or just want to help out an amazing guy who has done so much for others. I honestly can’t imagine anything better than knowing that we all helped make it possible for him to live happily, authentically and without fear or insecurity of his identity, by contributing to the single most liberating and defining moment in his life. I know top surgery will change his life forever and I know that it is something that will give him back that contagious spark and thirst for life that he used to have and remind him that he once thought the world was beautiful and it still is. 

Please spread the word by reblogging and if you’re capable of donating anything, you have no idea how much it is appreciated. No amount is too little so please do not feel embarrassed if you can only donate a dollar or two, I’m still just as humbled by your generosity. 

For those of you who have already donated and/or have been reblogging and sharing this with your followers or friends, I am forever indebted to you all.


The link to donate: 
http://www.gofundme.com/topsecrettopsurgery

I will not stop reblogging this until he doesn’t ever have to worry about wearing a binder for 12+ hours a day and come home with bruises on his back, or be afraid that someone will see the outline of his binder through his shirt and be outed, or doesn’t have to close his eyes whenever he takes a shower because the sight of his chest right now makes him feel further disconnected from his body. This is no way to live and as his partner, I can’t sit idly by and allow him to continue half-living like this.

I’ve gotten in touch with Rodeoh.com, thanks to an amazing follower Stefanie. They have agreed to offer a $25 gift certificate to all contributors of $100 or more!!If you haven’t, check out the website, there are so many great products from rodeoh and hopefully this will encourage more people to donate for a great cause!

rocksnob:

rocksnob:

rocksnob:

On the left is Richie, my fiancé, about a year and a half into our relationship and pre-t. He had come out as trans to me about a few months prior to that. On the right is Richie 4 years later and almost 3 years on testosterone. We’ve been together almost 5 years now and his birthday is coming up.

I created a secret top surgery fund for him in hopes to surprise him for his birthday on August 30th. I’m not at all expecting $5000 to be raised by then, in fact, I don’t have any kind of expectation towards the amount raised before his birthday. I just wanted to get this started for him as a surprise to remind him that there are so many people that love him and support him and are wishing him a happy birthday and I know any amount donated would be the best birthday surprise he could ever receive.

Right now, Richie doesn’t believe that top surgery will ever be a reality for him and I want to change that incredibly dangerous mind set. A whopping 41% of trans* people attempt suicide. Richie’s dysphoria, negativity and hopelessness has been growing at an alarming rate. I want to do everything I can to prevent and/or limit the amount of pain he has to deal with on a daily basis. Top surgery would undoubtably eliminate a big chunk of it.

Richie has been medically transitioning for almost 3 years. He has identified as trans for about 4 years. In that time, he has seen so many of his friends within the community get top surgery and it has been a silent struggle for him. He has become more reclusive, isolated and depressed. I don’t want Richie to ever feel inhibited by his body and/or isolated because of it. This year for his birthday, I want him to truly believe that top surgery is entirely possible for him and unquestionably going to happen in the near future. I can’t do that alone, so I’m reaching out to his family, friends, my followers on tumblr, as well as any kind strangers who may know what it feels like to deal with dysphoria or just want to help out an amazing guy who has done so much for others. I honestly can’t imagine anything better than knowing that we all helped make it possible for him to live happily, authentically and without fear or insecurity of his identity, by contributing to the single most liberating and defining moment in his life. I know top surgery will change his life forever and I know that it is something that will give him back that contagious spark and thirst for life that he used to have and remind him that he once thought the world was beautiful and it still is.

Please spread the word by reblogging and if you’re capable of donating anything, you have no idea how much it is appreciated. No amount is too little so please do not feel embarrassed if you can only donate a dollar or two, I’m still just as humbled by your generosity.

For those of you who have already donated and/or have been reblogging and sharing this with your followers or friends, I am forever indebted to you all.

The link to donate: http://www.gofundme.com/topsecrettopsurgery

I will not stop reblogging this until he doesn’t ever have to worry about wearing a binder for 12+ hours a day and come home with bruises on his back, or be afraid that someone will see the outline of his binder through his shirt and be outed, or doesn’t have to close his eyes whenever he takes a shower because the sight of his chest right now makes him feel further disconnected from his body. This is no way to live and as his partner, I can’t sit idly by and allow him to continue half-living like this.

I’ve gotten in touch with Rodeoh.com, thanks to an amazing follower Stefanie. They have agreed to offer a $25 gift certificate to all contributors of $100 or more!!

If you haven’t, check out the website, there are so many great products from rodeoh and hopefully this will encourage more people to donate for a great cause!

(via rocksnob)